Fear Gateways - December 08 Newsletter

Fear Gateways
This last month I and most of my clients and students seem to be experiencing more pronounced waves of fear. After teaching and living genius over the last 5 years I'm now recognizing this as a process that occurs before something new and expanded comes in. For example I sometimes get shaky, scared and tense before a new speaking gig, and within about the first 5 minutes that fear has turned to passion that is transmitted through me to the audience. I feel like when this happens I'm being prepared to hold more space and there is more energy moving though me. I'm not even totally sure that it is fear, it's simply big waves of energy. It becomes fear when I constrict. The image I have is of a rocket getting ready to take off, building up its power and energy. I invite you to see your waves of fear and uncomfortability as your body supercharging you, getting you ready to explore uncharted territory.

Tips and Tools
Can't you just feel the changes coming? In my own life things feel fast. I feel like so much is happening so quickly. I feel excited and sometimes overwhelmed. I notice that it is so important right now to do the things that ground me. When I take the time to check in with myself I can really take in all the shifts and new energy coming through. I notice that when I haven't taken the time to journal, meditate, or bounce on my new mini tramp is when I feel like everything is happening so fast and I get dizzy. My wish for you this season is that you take time to ground and ready yourself for this brilliant new year full of possibilities.

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Boston or Bust

So, I'm off to Boston to give a speech at the Financial Planners Association's National Conference. It's the night before take off and I'm running around getting things ready for the trip. I suspect that I am keeping busy so that I don't feel my fear. I've been playing a lot with fear as this is my first big travel speaking event and is a result of a commitment to be an international speaker.
In my genius work, I teach people about fear gateways, which are sort of a right of passage as we reach into our next level of genius. The cool part is that when you understand this you can use that fear as fuel as you step through the opening. (To learn more about fear gateways go to my website www.megansillito.com and click on genius.)

People have asked me why I feel scared as I know this material so well. My answer to them is: "It is not logical, it's just what I'm going through as I step in to this new arena. In my experience, people who commit to take the big step forward in the direction of their genius and life purpose all go through some sort of rabbit hole which becomes its own refiners fire.

One thing that I have learned from this particular fire is that I can choose what I want to feed. I realized the other day that what I was feeling was exactly the same feeling I had as a teenager the morning of a big basketball tournament which was the odd combination of total excitement and total fear. Basketball was my favorite thing in the world at that time. I loved the thrill of competition and that was always accompanied by a hill of fear. When I realized this, I got it that I was also very excited about this speaking trip. I had only been focusing on the fear part. However, I can choose to give the excitement more focus. Like the old saying: If you have two wolves at your feet the one that will stay is the one you feed.

So I've been noticing when I feel scared and taking a moment to tune in and breathe in to the excitement as well. As the famous psychologist Fritz Pearls said, "Fear is excitement without the breath." It's been a delicate balance to face directly in to the fear while also giving attention to my excitement.

Hope this might serve any of you who might be in the middle of a leap or transition in your life. Let yourself also feel the excitement of the adventure as well.

Bon Voyage
Megan

Fear Play at Lagoon

So last week my partner Annabeth and I went to Lagoon (an amusement park) with our friends Mary and Nick. First of all I love Lagoon, I love the scary rides I love the roller coasters, I love the rides where I get soaked..well you get the point. In recent years when I do these kind of activities I take the opportunity to create transformation through playful physical experiences. I believe we don't get full learning until we get it in our bodies. Basically I've learned to create real inexpensive fun workshops for myself.
For example, there is this ride at Lagoon called the Catapult. Basically you get in a little round cage that's attached to cables which are connected to 2 tall (over 100 feet) poles. The idea is they strap you in and launch you into space about 200 feet. Then you bounce up and down for awhile until you come back to the earth. Big Fun!!! So last year was my first time. It was that time of night when the sky is midnight blue and the stars are really clear. I set an intention that I would get a body experience of launching myself nationally. My intention over the last year has been to start the move towards speaking and coaching on a national level. I've bungee jumped a bunch but never been shot up. I have to say it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life, going up into the starry night seeing lights and stars not knowing which way is up or down. The only thing I could hear was my own laughter (everyone else chickend out). After the ride I knew I had the sensation of launching in every cell of my body. Over the next weeks and months I attracted amazing opportunities to present and hob nob with international coaches and presenters.
Now cut to this year. I asked my friend Mary if she wanted to go with me. At first she declined and then I told her the story of the previous year..She said oh..well I have a fear I'd like to get through and it feels about the same as when I think of myself on that ride. When she finally started to consider it she got real scared, but being the committed learner she is she chose in.
As we are getting strapped into the contraption I looked over at her lily white face (she has a tan and it was still white.) The man getting us situated was very compassionate. I know Mary likes music so I asked him to sing us a song, however he was very shy about his voice and said no. The waiting is really the hardest part. The cage turns upwards so our backs were to the ground and our faces to the sky. I think this is true in life too, the anticipation is generally way scarier than the actual thing. Any way I digress............R U scared yet?
So we launch up into space and about 20 seconds seconds later I hear Mary laughing and totally letting go. She was having the time of her life. Her fear turned into release and joy. Afterwards we were watching the video of the ride and I could see clearly the moment she went from fear to absolute bliss. Thank you Mary for being so brave, for showing me what the other side of fear really looks like. She reported afterwards feeling totally different in her body and not feeling fear about the prior issue.
So often in my life I've noticed that fear once I've stepped through it transforms itself into passion, confidence, growth or peace. In this way I see fear as my ally. I simply need to walk with it and find creative ways to play with it. As we go to new heights we often get to go through the fear gateway. If you are really afraid about something chances are something better wants to come in, by moving through the fear we create a space for the new. If you're in SLC go check out the catapult. Happy flying.

Fear Play

Howdie Folks,
How did the fear play go? Well I have a funny story. After writing last weeks post my computer froze up and has been in the fix it shop for a week. I realized that my computer was literally a metaphor for how I was freezing up around several projects I'm launching including the writing of this blog. So my laptop was simply supporting my fear by giving me a great out for not completing some things. I find that life is the most marvelous reflection of what is going on inside of me. If you want to know what's happening on the inside simply notice what is occurring on the outside.
So, I told you I was going to give you a tip for dealing with fear this week. So, once I realize and name my fear I take several deep belly breaths for about 1 minute while breathing in and out of my nose. This switches you out of flight or flight. Sometimes while I'm breathing I repeat the phrase "I feel afraid". This almost always shifts the fear. If there is still fear I will try to match it with my hands. I tune into how the fear is moving in my body; fear is simply bits of energy that are in motion or stuck in no motion in our bodies. So when you match the fear with movement, especially the hands, it tends to give the energy a way to move out. Fear is different than other emotions in that it can't simply be felt, it has to be moved in some way, whereas you can feel sad and take a moment and breathe and feel and it shifts.
In my 12 years of coaching myself and others I'm really clear that when someone is stuck, there is generally some feeling stuck as well. I am always amazed that when I simply let myself feel what is really going on, things shift and my life moves forward again. I plan to continue to play with my fear this week and I invite you to play along with me. I will give some more tips next time.
Megan

The Fear Zone

Lately I've been looking at how my fear behaves. In my work with the Hendricks I learned about the four f's..or the four main ways we deal with fear. They are in no particular order Freeze, Flee, Faint, and Fight. Basically fight or flight with a couple variations. Freeze is kinda like a deer in headlights(my personal favorite),faint is overwhelm or spacey feelings, "I'm confused" is the cry of the fainter. We each have our own combo plate so to speak. My first response is to freeze and as soon as I unthaw get the heck out of Dodge. Some people are fight first ask questions later. I've been exploring this for quite sometime and have found it so valuable to know that I'm afraid and how that looks.

In the last few weeks I've discovered that these also translate into behaviors. For instance I've discovered the procrastination is really a form of the Freeze response. I'm simply scared. It is so useful to name something what it really is. Many of us tend to judge ourselves as lazy or procrastinators , which is not helpful, in fact it keeps us repeating the same behaviors, whereas when we realize that we are afraid we can address that in a direct manner.

In fact science has now proven that simply naming the emotion we are feeling has a calming effect on the emotional center of the brain. More importantly we can now face the real issue, so there is a chance of creating movement. I notice when I do this I shift into taking action.

So my invitation this week is to take a look at your fear behaviors..i.e what is it you do instead of take the actions you know will create the results you are wanting. Some of you may go into the T.V zone, some of you might clean obsessively. When you notice one of these behaviors pause and say to yourself.."hmm I must be afraid." See if you feel a shift in your energy or behavior. Next time I will talk about some ways that I have learned to move through fear.